Breaking hearts!

Cheaters,
No I am not talking about cheating on a test. I am talking about when people cheat on each other .  I don’t care if you’re in the relationship or not you’re talking to the person and telling them your feelings for them and you go ahead and do stuff with others that’s cheating! I can’t stand cheating I believe it’s nasty and it’s wrong. How do you hurt someone like that? How do you stomp on someone’s feelings how do you hide a person from another. How can you lie to yourself? Well to hide that from yourself you have to be a really low person.  You can hurt someone intensely by knowing what your doing is wrong. Why can’t you stick with one person? Why can’t you be honest with the other person why can’t you be up front or why even cheat?

Some people cheat because that’s what they are or that’s what they want. If they can’t have all well then they hide who they are and cheat and mess around with others while being attached to someone else.  If you can’t stay or be honest with someone then you do not deserve the person. Hurting people instead of thinking about others and wondering oh how would this person feel, you do whatever you want. It’s wrong; it’s horrible it’s cruel. That person has to think about what they did wrong over and over. In the end sometimes it’s not even the person’s fault it’s the cheater.

If the reason behind the cheating is for an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend don’t start talking to other people until you know for a fact your over that person!  You’re putting yourself in a position if you don’t then you ends up hurting one or the other.  It’s okay to have feelings for someone else but not if you’re not upfront to the other person or if you’re hiding it from both people. It’s wrong and its shows how little of a man or woman you are.

I have been cheated on in half of my relationships. The feelings stinks, it’s like a feeling of empty it’s a feeling of not knowing what you did wrong for them to go and cheat. I always ask myself what could I of changed or Can I better my looks for him to stay? No I can’t because they cheated on me for their own reasons. I won’t be able to change that. It’s okay though because I am not giving up on living my life and finding the right person for me.

At least it saves me the trouble from the down the road and I find out the hard way, like a divorce or children. When it comes to being married or having children a break up is not only hard on you but the kids. That’s why being faithful to or sticking to one person is better than hoping around to others. 

Cheaters aren’t right cheating is wrong. Hurting people is wrong. I can’t trust people easily because of getting hurt. That is the best advice I can give, never give your trust out right away, never fall for a person too quickly, never put your guard down, and never give up on finding the right person. No matter how many times your heart has been stepped on never give up!

Cheating isn't right , once a cheater always a cheater. Don't hurt someone. Don't change for them be who you are. Once in awhile your going to be cheated on or hurt by someone you care about but all you can really do is move on and keep talking to people. Be who you are if that person hurts you, then they don't deserve you!
" Live, Laugh Love "


No matter how broken your heart gets, it can be healed!



Love what you have!

Have you ever wondered about what if you had a different life or parents?
I do it all the time I am always wondering what if I had a celebrity parent or a friends parent instead of who i got not. Or sometimes I wonder if I was adopted and they aren’t telling me. These thoughts usually run through a lot of people’s heads at one point in time. Either when a parent has said no to something or just an argument.  People try and imagine what or who they would be like if they have different parents they wouldn’t have who they have no. A whole new path would be chosen for them.

I know I have thought about it a lot and I always wonder If my parents are really my parents. Sometimes the parents can make it seem like they aren’t there true parents. Sometimes people don’t have great parents because that’s the hands they were dealt. No one can change who their parents are but you can do what you got to do for yourself.  What I mean by that is , if your parents treat you bad you make yourself have a goal and you start trying to reach your goal and your able to live your life.

I know from personal experience that’s what I am doing. My parents got divorced when I was 2 years old. I do not remember it. I have heard lots of stories about how they were trying to get a divorce before I was born but they had to stay together because I was being born. My parents have made it clear that it was the worse nine months of their life. Or better yet my dad still to this dad claims my mom cheated on him and I’m not his child. I hear this stuff everyday about how I am just the mistake. That doesn’t stop me from living my life or enjoying what I got.

Some people have it worse than me, kids sometimes never meet there real parents or their parents kill themselves before their child is even grown. In life you got to look at it as things could be worse. Life isn’t about counting all the negatives things you have in your life but counting the amazing things you got.

For example even though I am not super close to my parents I am still thankful. They kept me; they could have given me up for adoption. I have a lot to be thankful for, I got a nice warm bed to go home to at night. I got a place to eat and I got a place to call home. Even though it’s not the perfect family I wanted it’s still what I got.

Even though my mom and I have had our ups and downs I still care and love all she does for me. She knows she had said things she regrets and wishes she never did because she knows it hurt me more then she thought. Or it’s a thought that can never be forgotten but it can be forgiven. My dad on the other hand has a small relationship with me we aren’t the best or the closest but we are family. He doesn’t approve on anything I do, or he doesn’t regret anything he says but he still is my dad and I do care about him.

What I am trying to get at is we will never be able to change who we come from. We can forgive and move on. No matter how crappy you got it, always be positive and keep smiling. Always be thankful for something your parents have done because without them you wouldn’t be here today.

Maybe broken but can be fixed

Have you ever wondered what you have done wrong when someone says they are pretty much done with you?  The thoughts run through your head and you think what could i change? Or what can I fix? Well there’s nothing really you can do because you can’t go back or what can you fix if you’re not broken.  Sadly being attached to someone may last may not. There’s nothing we can change.  I know it bugs me when I can’t figure something out when I did something wrong. It’s like a puzzle that’s missing pieces. Well without those pieces the puzzle will never be completed.  Always unsolved and always a mystery.

I was currently talking to a guy for a certain period of time. I don’t care that we weren’t dating or we haven’t known each other that long, it’s just made me happy to have someone by my side that made my day. Or a person who reminded me how beautiful I am without make up. To think that it all could disappear  in one second is hard to believe or hard to look at but sometimes it happens without being ready.  Like me for example  I liked this guy, I mean he was a great guy he made my stomach have butterflies , he made me laugh and smile.  I was so excited that it was like my turn to be happy, then all sudden, it stopped no more texting or talking , just tells a friend to tell you that you’re better off friends, breaks your thought process makes you think like why. Making your heart fall in the pit of your stomach and it’s like a little bit of shock. Being afraid to show that you’re upset because you weren’t actually in a relationship yet but you wanted to so bad makes it even worse.  Now moving on or forgetting is a hard part.

You start to look at your phone waiting to see if he or she will actually text you.  You wonder if they will comment on your Facebook. You wonder if they miss you. You wonder if they are talking about you to your friends or their friends. You wonder if you were really that bad of a person.

Actually sometimes it’s not even the person s fault sometimes it’s the person who said they want to be friends because it’s what they want or need. No one can change that.  Sometimes it’s more personal than anything or sometimes it’s not mutual.  Yes that word mutual, what does it really mean or why does it even have to exist. Well it does and sometimes things aren't meant to be. We will get over it one way or another.

Sometimes that person comes back but then again they might not. You play your life like puzzles even though you can’t figure the puzzle out right away you don’t give up you keep moving you keep talking to people. Moving on is a hard step, but it’s the easiest thing you can do because it will bring you down if you don’t or you won’t be able to be happy.

I won’t lie I know this isn’t easy for me right now, I wish it never happened cause its hurting worse then I wanted. How can I hurt when we weren’t even dating? Well because I was happy and he made the bad and negative things disappear. I don’t care if people think I am strange for how I feel or what I do. I am unique and so are my relationships and my path through life.

The pain or what you had for that person will soon fade and you will find someone that stays with you and the feelings are actually mutual where you know it for a fact. All you can do right now is hang with your friends and have fun. Enjoy what you got going on in your life because even though you get knocked over from a relationship doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give up. You keep moving on.  Things fade, especially the things that don’t matter.

The best thing is no matter who comes in your life or who leaves just keep smiling and loving who you are just finding the one who clicks for you, might be looking just like you!

Fat , ugly and not welcome!

Today I am going to be writing about my personal thing about my own self-esteem and what I have learned.  If you talk to about half of any high school students or just any girl  you will understand that a lot of girls have  problems with what they look like or how they see themselves when they look in the mirror.  Its part of what people expect others to look like, the media is a big part of why girls want to be the certain figure they see themself as.  Without media what would women look like today?  How many would actually be comfortable with themselves or love themselves? Maybe a lot or maybe it would still be the same.

I have been against what I have looked like ever since the 5^th grade. I remember coming home looking in the mirror and wondering why body looked different than most girls. I didn’t understand why my bones were wider than most girls. I was trying to hide what I was born with. I actually remember taking duct tape and wrapping it around my waist and going to school and passing out.  The tape was definitely not one of my best ideas.  I would go day by day in grade school being made fun of how large I was or that I wasn’t as small as others. I would do anything in my power to fix my own self.  I never wanted to go out or shopping because it would hurt my feelings.

My grade school experience was probably one of the worse things because going through every day with someone stabbing you in the back about your weight. I remember getting salad thrown in my face because I was too fat to eat anything else.  Once you tell someone they are ugly or fat it takes a long time to overcome that feeling or type of pressure to fit in. In my case I still been waiting to be able to believe and love my body.

After grade school I went on to high school, same issue same problem. Girls would make fun of me for not being a zero or that my hair was an ugly shade of blonde. One of the reasons I started dying my hair is for me to feel comfortable with my own self. It started off with the hair then turned into makeup. My makeup is one of my biggest problems probably. I take my make up everywhere I go no matter what. I feel horrible without it. I guess you could say it’s my safety blanket which it is without it I feel uncomfortable.  Its rare people see me without make up. I mean even during sleep overs I would wake up early to do my make up so people didn’t see how bad I looked.  If you would ask a family member or a friend they would say my makeup looks like it came out of Macys or something because I have so much of it. 

I have actually been getting better when it comes to my makeup issues because I have cut back a lot on what I bring to school or what I put on in the morning or when I go out with my friends . Usually it would take two hours for me just to do my makeup perfect and correct.  Now it takes me about an hour. I have been fixing my issues with myself and I will one day get there where I can yell at the top of my lungs saying “I am beautiful” and actually mean it.

My weight is another thing I still have a problem with. I am terrified to go swim suit shopping or some sort of pants because the numbers scare me especially when they go up because that puts a scary sign in my head thinking oh gosh the weights back.  My friends remind me every day that I am beautiful and that I will overcome this.  I believe they are right which they are but for me it’s going to take longer than most.

I have lost over 50 pounds since grade school and still losing, I am staying healthy so I can do what I need to do. Now for me to feel beautiful I got to stop believing all the guys and girls who call me fat, ugly. It’s a hard task but I know I can do it. Actually anyone can. Everyone is beautiful in their own way they just got to start somewhere. No matter how many times you have to start over you keep trying and not give up.

I know it’s hard but we can do it , we can believe in our self and love who we are just got to keep telling ourselves we are beautiful and it doesn’t matter what people thin

Why not be you...

Tattoos are judged as being a “bad” thing. But in this generation a lot of people have tattoos. Tattoos aren’t anything to be afraid of or something that someone should judge another for. Tattoos are sometimes people’s way of expressing their life or some form of art.  Tattoos are permanent expressions on one’s body. In today’s society we are more open with people with tattoos, but some companies will not hire ones with tattoos, which annoys me. I believe that everyone is different and if someone has tattoos it shouldn’t matter. Those tattoos could be there comfort zone or ways for them to get up and live there life.   

Tattoos shouldn’t be something that is looked at as if they are bad or not classy. Tattoos are beautiful; they are created by many talented artist and minds around the world.  If you came up with a blue bird with a pink beak and it says “fly” then that’s art that was your creation your way of expressing yourself.  I know many people get tattoos only if they are a meaning for themselves. Some people get tattoos just because they want to. Some people get pointless stuff but that is okay because you only live once why not make memories where you can look back. I believe a body is a story book so why not tell yours.

I have four tattoos and I am still getting more and more. All of my tattoos mean something to me. I have to have a strong meaning behind them before I get them. My family of course is against tattoos and I was the first one to get them in my family and things didn’t go over well but it’s okay because they will maybe one day understand that they are my life and my art and my way of expressing how I feel.  Some are reminders that keep me going every day and to never give up on my dreams or me.  

I have one tattoo on my right shoulder which says “love” and it symbols how all I want is to be loved. So that reminds me to keep going because people do love me.

My next tattoo is on my left shoulder which is two flowers that symbols me and my sister where we look alike but we are different and reminds me that I got her by my side every step of the way.

Another tattoo I have is three stars are for my brothers and my sister, without them I don’t know where I would be without them.

Now my back tattoo is a heart with starts but is undergoing some changes but it’s a reminder that I can do everything and anything and you only live once.

Without my tattoos I wouldn’t be me so why change me for someone else because they don’t like them. It’s okay if you’re not a fan of tattoos but don’t judge someone by their tattoos you don’t know what’s behind them for getting that. 

This is my flower tattoo on my shoulder.

Drinking and Gone

How many teens or people every weekend get in the car with a drunk driver?
Well too many, this isn’t an article but this is a personal experience I will never forget.
That I think it’s time for me to share and maybe help others.

It was right before school this past summer.  I was partying with a bunch of my friends and four of us were extremely intoxicated. The party was ending and we needed to go home, instead of us trying to find a sober driver we had our friend drive, he was over the limit, he could barely walk and we were so stupid enough to let him drive.  I remember pieces from that night. I remember getting in the car driving fast; too fast for the type of road we were on. Luckily no one else was on the road at this time of night. I remember holding on to my door and my heart beating faster and faster, the music was loud, you could barely hear your own thoughts. I just remember going around the corner of a sharp downhill street and waking up in the hospital. 

I remember exactly when I woke up I looked around and saw my  step-sister who was extremely upset, and telling me that our parents will be in a minute and that I am so lucky to be alive.  I looked at her and had tears rolling down my face feeling this heavy feeling on my shoulders thinking how stupid was I.

I bet your wondering if we all walked free without injuries? Well no, sadly because of our worse choice ever. My friend who was in the front passenger seat is actually blind and deaf in her right side. In the back where I was sitting I have back injuries and I will always have them, which makes it harder on me. Theres somethings i won't do and somethings i can do. The person sitting next to me in the back had  a couple cracked ribs and  my friend who was the driver that night walked away with no injuries.

We actually all stopped hanging out after that night, we came together for lunch one day and all said we regret ever doing that, we always tell people never drink and drive because it can change your life or someone else’s life. It’s not worth it, if I could go back I would.   Teen drinking won’t be stopped but at least we can prevent drinking and driving, and especially with adults who go out for drinks. Drinking and driving is like driving in the dark with no lights and blurry vision. 

Think before you get in that car with someone; think about not just yourself but other people around you.  I learned from this, it’s all fun until somebody gets hurt or something bad happens where it changes not only your life but the ones around you.

friends?

Have you ever really thought about who is your true friend?

Going through life you realize you have some friends that stick with you through thick and thin, but some disappear and act like you never existed.  Everyday day second or year of my last 18 years of my life I have had either amazing friends or horrible friends.  Some would stay by my side no matter what others would leave my side. I learned when I got older that as you grow you start losing the ones who never cared in the first place. I have personally lost friends because either of my weight or because I am not right for them.  I have also lost friends because of other people, they walk out because someone else did but I learned from all of that. Friends or true friends stay with you every step of the way without judging or without stopping you from following your dreams.  My best friend actually started living with me, we have had our bad days and our good days and I feel bad when I get over dramatic with her because it’s like what are we doing. Best friends’  fight, if they didn’t life would be too easy. She has been there for me more than most could understand. I don’t just look at her as my best friend but my sister that won’t leave even if I pushed her away. She knows we are stuck like a marshmallow in a gram cracker.  We both live day by day, walking this path we call life weeding the bad people out and working on our dreams.  I know no matter where I am at in 30 years I will always have my best friend.

Find your best friend and keep her because without her or he, it will be a hard road ahead of you!

My best friend My sister!